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draw down the moon
and hold your palm against it
Ficlet: Hem, Hem 
20th-Apr-2006 11:16 pm
punk chucks, converse - chucks, chucks
Who: Fudge, Umbridge
Prompt by: upstart_crow
Rating: PG
Word Count: 438
Notes: Wow, well, I asked for a challenge. I got one. *grins* Warning: This fic has not been beta'd.

“Hem, hem.”

This simple noise had, from the very first time he’d heard it, had set his green bowler cap spinning like a pinwheel. There she had been, ten years younger (and, admittedly, ten years slimmer), standing with utmost confidence in the doorway to his office.

He had not been Minister for Magic back then, but rather the deputy Director of Inter-Magical Relations (a ridiculous position with no real purpose or substance, but it was another rung up the ladder on his way to the Minister’s chair). Dolores – how sweet a name! – had been his undersecretary. When she had first appeared in his life, he thought for sure he had been graced with an angel. She had understood his every intention, helping him along in his ambition to sit at number 82442. Getting there should have taken at least a decade from the point where he was, and yet in three short years he found himself sitting in the plush dragon-hide Minister’s chair. He knew he could not have done it without her.

She had always been willing to orchestrate the things in which he’d rather not get involved personally. She was good like that, sweeping around like a saccharine harbinger of gluttonous development, always with a “Hem, hem,” on her lips.

“Hem, hem,” she said again, eyes fluttering shut.

Cornelius Fudge was drawn out of his reverie and stared down at the woman before him. She was prostrate on the soft bed before him, covered in barely anything, sheets pulled up over her chest. There was a rather hideous hoof-shaped bruise on her mottled pink skin. He reached out one pudgy finger, hesitant (one of the few times in his life), and touched the contusion gently.

She moved beneath his touch, moaning quietly. “No,” she muttered. “No, no, get back you half-breeds…”

Panicked, Fudge withdrew his hand quickly, eyes wide as she continued to groan and protest. What had happened to the strong woman he’d known? The one who had taken over Hogwarts, driven Dumbledore from his post, and intimidated half of England into accepting every word the Ministry had put forth even after he'd left his position as Minister?

A mewing protest from his right drew his attention. Someone had brought the kittens in bell jars to her hospital room, and they were still gamboling about in a disgusting diversion. Shaken from his thoughts, he stood and gripped Dolores’ hand.

“Hem, hem,” she muttered, stirring. His heart fluttered (or was that the fish and chips he’d had for lunch?) and he promptly forgot about his doubts. He’d make things right.

Maybe he’d start with the centaurs.
22nd-Apr-2006 04:58 am (UTC)
Oh my god I love it!!! Your Umbridge makes me lick mylips happy. :D

You are getting fangirl glomped for this at Lumos, just so you know ;)
22nd-Apr-2006 05:43 am (UTC)
*laughs* Yay! I'm glad you liked it!!

Haha, yay for glomping! *grins*
21st-Feb-2007 08:31 am (UTC)
Ooo, I really like this! I liket he parallels you have drawn with British politics, such as -
helping him along in his ambition to sit at number 82442.
In fact, the whole thing makes me think that it could be a tv satire about politics...shown on Channel 4!
And actually, despite them both being horrrible, you manage to create a amount of sympathy for them both. Because (although I do no know if Umbridge is using Fudge or is she genuinely loves him too...I kinda like to think she loves him 'cause I'm a romantic) it's almost (almost!) heart warming that at least these two horrible people have found one another. Fudge obviously cares very deeply.
OMG! You have made me want to read more of their story! That is sick and wrong! ♥
21st-Feb-2007 09:29 am (UTC)

Oh man, I could see it totally on Channel 4 at like, 9.30 PM right around when the kids have gone to bed and the parents want to watch something that's just a bit off. Hmm. Annette Badland as Umbridge, perhaps? XD

Sometimes the unloveables need some loving. Hee.
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